Jardín de las Mariposas, LGBTQ+ Migrant Shelter

Tijuana, Mexico

I was born in the Puerto de Veracruz. They say that there is a lot of gay community and they associate it with something very comfortable, but actually that is not true. I remember when I was in high school, I already knew about my sexuality but I could not express it because there was a lot of bullying and homophobia, so it was very difficult because I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t able to fit in with my classmates. In high school, I got tired of it. There came a time when you also rebel, when you say, “no, I'm tired of pretending to be something that I’m not.” That's when I started to express myself.

Well, there are also many men who are very macho and homophobic and make many comments or make fun of you for the fact that you are gay, or in my case, trans. However, when I came out as trans and started to present more feminine, it was the opposite for me. I was always told how pretty I am, how feminine I am, and some men were kind to me. They opened the doors for me, the treatment was reflective of what I am, a woman. In that aspect I don't have any problems, it's just that sometimes harassment is the real problem that I feel here because many people really just see me as a fetish and then they harass you so much or go to the extent of wanting to abuse me or force me just for a fetish.

Let's say that last year was not my year. Unfortunately, met some people who abused me, sexually, and it was very difficult for me because I had never been in such a vulnerable situation. Because of this I fell into depression, because unfortunately I didn't know how to approach someone to tell them what I had gone through and lived, out of fear more than anything and also out of shame, because it was like telling something so intimate and shameful or something like that. I went to visit a friend who was manicuring out of her home. There was this moment where I felt like I could trust her so I dared to tell her what happened. You know when you meet certain people that allow you to open up about your emotions? Well, that was her. She told me that I didn't have to keep it to myself or even less be afraid, because it is not something that I had done, but that someone else did to me. It was through that conversation that, she guided me to come here to the Jardín with the godmother, Yolanda, and told her what I had lived through. I showed her the evidence that I could gather at the moment, because it happened so fast. I am here like my companions waiting for an answer and I am grateful to be here in this place to cross over and have a life where I never live the same thing again or maybe seek justice if anything like this happens again. I am very blessed and very fortunate because not everyone has this possibility to cross into a country legally and… I am very fortunate.

I have one week here at the Jardín. I do not know exactly when we are going to leave, but the godmother told us that it is very likely to be this week because of an agreement she made with an organization to cross us earlier than we thought. I feel good here, inside, I feel safe and I am very grateful because we have food to eat, we also have people who support us and I have gotten along very well with all my companions in the shelter, because of the way I handle myself. If you respect me, I respect you too, so there is no reason to have problems if we are from the same community, so I have no problems with anyone here and thanks to that I have been able to feel comfortable, I have a stability here, both emotionally, and in terms of companionship. I feel in community because it's my first time being with other trans girls and with many people from the LGBTQ+ community, because I've been in my transition for only a year, I mean, it's very little time. I have met many girls here and they are very beautiful and very kind.

It is very difficult to be trans, it is really not as easy as people think, because people do not know the psychological and depressive disorders that a trans person experiences because of the medications. Although the medication physically harmonizes you, they also change you mentally, then it gets to the point where really your brain, your thoughts are really changing and it gets to the point where it can be very strong for us. But I am a very strong person, very brave, because I have always said that there are other friends who unfortunately have died because they into depression and you hear, so-and-so killed herself, which is very heartbreaking. So many times I have fallen into depression because of many things, both sentimental and trivial things, but I have always been firm with myself that I would not take my life because I want to know what my future has in store for me and I would not like to cause my family pain.